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Post by Destro on Jul 14, 2004 21:53:28 GMT -5
Hey guys, I need to get something off my chest here. My gf of 3 ½ years broke up w/ me on Sunday. I’m still in a state of shock, because I didn’t see it coming and I really don’t think her reasons warrant a breakup. Basically she told me that we’re too different. I don’t like roller coasters, bungee jumping, etc., she doesn’t like going to historical sites, art museums, etc., and we both hate each other’s music. She said that when we go on vacation that we could never do the things she wants to do (I can’t ride most six flags-type rides, they make me sick), and on the way we can never agree on what to listen to. So, that’s pretty much here reasons for breaking up with me.
So tell me this…am I nuts for thinking these reasons aren’t enough to throw an otherwise-great relationship away? I mean, we’ve been going out for 3 ½ YEARS. We love(d) each other very much, we got along great, and we agreed on all the important stuff (family, religion, etc.).
She said this was all there was to it, nothing further. I even asked her if there was someone else, and she said no and I believe her. I never thought our differences were that big a deal: I honestly think they made our relationship more interesting.
I also told her that since we don’t like each other’s interests, she should find people who do. I have friends to do stuff w/, why shouldn’t she? Well, two of her best friends moved away, and I guess she feels like she has no one to do this stuff with. She’s also very shy, so that doesn’t help. But somehow breaking up w/ me will…
So….the last couple days I’ve been more depressed than I’ve ever been. I can’t even enjoy tfs right now. heck, my rid scourge should be coming in the mail tomorrow, a toy I’ve wanted since it was released, and I could care less. Prozac told me that kb has the defensor set in, but I’m too depressed to even go out and get it. I didn’t see this coming at all. She said she needed some time, that maybe we’d get back together, but I shouldn’t wait for her…I just don’t get it, I thought we were great for each other, and I thought my days of being single were over. We had talked a lot about getting married, and I was sure it was going to happen.
I really didn’t, nor do I ever, hope to find someone who likes everything I do. I really don’t think I even want to: I think it would be boring. But, to each his (or her) own, I suppose. I really don’t know how to end this, so I’ll just say thanks for putting up with this long, discombobulated post.
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Post by Admin on Jul 14, 2004 23:13:56 GMT -5
Sorry to hear that DESTRO. ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png) I personally dont think it was grounds for breaking up. You never know. It sounds to me as if she was getting scared. It happens to alot of people when they have been going out with someone for so long, it scares them to actually commit to that person.. Maybe she will figure out what was bothering her really and you guys will get back together.. It could be she wants to see if she really wants to be with you and to see if she can live without you. I am not saying this to make you upset more.. I feel so sorry about what has happened.. Hopefully she just needs to figure out what she wants and then she realizes it's [glow=red,2,300] YOU SHE WANTS[/glow] ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) ;D
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Post by Alter_Ego on Jul 14, 2004 23:14:49 GMT -5
While I can't analyze her motives without hearing her side of the situation..... I do feel like I have some advice.
Write her a letter. (not an e-mail, but an actual postal delivery letter.) Tell her what you are feeling and why you think that the relationship would have worked. Explain to her that you don't feel that your differences hindered the relationship. Most of all be honest with her.
It sounds to me that she was feeling lonely without her friends, and wants an outlet for her frustration. (We, at least most of us females, have a horrible tendency to hurt those around us when we are having personal emotional problems that have no relation to the individuals that end up on the recieving end.)
She does need time to figure some of this out, which is why a letter is such a good idea. She can read it on her own terms, and not feel pressured to make some sort of radical decision. Be patient. I can't say that this will fix your relationship, but it can't hurt it.
And above all, respect her decision. It may hurt like ....(you know what), but if she can't commit to it, then let it go.
I feel for you. It doesn't sound like much, but it's the truth. I hate to see anyone hurting.
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Post by Destro on Jul 14, 2004 23:20:15 GMT -5
thanks, I really do appreciate it, and I think I may take your advice AE.
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Post by StrykerX2K on Jul 15, 2004 8:10:50 GMT -5
I ahve to agree with the ladies....and I like the idea of sending a hand written letter. There is something romantic about it. Without hearing her side, my first impression is fear. 3.5 years is a long time. I agree with you on the likes and dislikes front, also. I don't think getting involved with someone with the same likes and dislikes is the best ideas. You have the right idea about having friends to do stuff with separately. If her friends have moved away and she has not found a new group of friends with the same likes, it could be she feels like her interests aren't getting addressed. However, knowing that you guys differ on the various topics you described, it is not fair to you for a person to say, I have nobody to do anything with you need to like what I like. There are probably several factors going on. She may just need time to evaluate things and decide what is really important. Some people thinkk they need a break just to clear their head. It will all work out. I have been through something similar a few years ago. 2 years later I met a someone and we have been together ever since....it is now 5 years later....and it is even beter than I could have imagined!
Don't smack me when I sound cliched(sp?), but sometimes when one door closes another opens. And although you may not see it right now...it is there...you just have to have faith....you don't sound like the type that is destined to be alone!
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Post by Bear on Jul 15, 2004 17:53:42 GMT -5
1 question before I anylize all the info and give you some of the best advice you will EVER have. How old are you?
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Post by Destro on Jul 16, 2004 1:26:49 GMT -5
1 question before I anylize all the info and give you some of the best advice you will EVER have. How old are you? I'm 24 and she's 22.
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Post by Bear on Jul 17, 2004 7:42:13 GMT -5
I hope your ready, because this may sting for a minute. Here it comes........................Let Her Go. It hurts like hell for now and probably will for about a month. Then one day you are going to be walking in the mall or hanging out with some friends and meet someone of the female gender. You will talk and giggle and arrange for a night out with out the group of people. After about 2 or 3 of this type of situation ( which will only last a couple of dates each) you will go out with someone that after the first night you feel a strong connection to. The dating will continue for about 4 to 6 months and then you guys will talk about the future. At first jokingly, but then it will become a serious topic. You are going to have deep thoughts about," is this the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I think I will wait a little and find out." 4 to 6 months later you are going to say, "Eureka! I love this gal." You will plan that perfect engagement surprise. She will say, " I thought you would never ask." The engagement will last a year to a year and a half. You will plan the perfect wedding your budgets will allow plus some credit cards that you KNOW you shouldn't be using. You will concede defeat many times to you future wife in the planning. (Don't believe me on that ask any married guy here.) The final outcome is you will be married to the best thing that ever happened to you. Every now and then you will think to yourself about that girl that dumped you so long ago. Trust me when I tell you this. You are not going to think," that was the best 3-1/2 years of my life." instead it is going to be," what a waste of 3-1/2 years." The bright side of the waste being that she put you on hold for that time for the future love of your life. Now go out there and have some fun! A little advice from your old Uncle Bear ![](http://img44.photobucket.com/albums/v136/TTC_Forum/coffee.gif)
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Post by Destro on Jul 17, 2004 22:50:36 GMT -5
We had a nice long talk today..apparently the reasons for her being insecure about our differences are in large part due to her parents. She spent last week w/ them and they have nothing in common and spend little time together, so she was afraid that the same thing would happen to us. She said she still wasn't sure if she wants to get back together, though; she still needs time to think about it.
Bear, that's a nice hypothetical situation you have there, and I have and am considering just letting her go, but our relationship has been so great until recently, and I love her so much, that I have a hard time giving up on this. The last three and a half years have been really great, and I guess it's hard for me to tell if our current situation is the end of the road or merely a large bump on it. I just need to think about it some more...
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Post by Alter_Ego on Jul 17, 2004 23:29:33 GMT -5
Good luck. I hope it turns out well, no matter how it resolves.
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Post by Destro on Jul 21, 2004 0:56:24 GMT -5
Today I gave her the letter I wrote telling her how I felt. A few hours later, she told me that she thinks we should move on. So...that's that. I wish I understood her reasoning; that would make it a bit easier for me. This whole breakup was just such a huge shock to me; I thought she was the one. Live and learn, I suppose. I also want to thank all of you for your support and advice, I really do appreciate it. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by Devastator_2000 on Jul 21, 2004 10:56:16 GMT -5
I dont really have much in the way of adice other than to agree with what Papa Bear said, just let her go. Like me, Bear is possibly speaking from past experance.
About 8 years ago I had a girlfriend break up with me. She really did not give me a reason, or at least one that made since to me anyway. Like you I was confused as to why and hurt inside, but after a few months went buy I realized I was going to be alright. I did not really date again for a couple of years, then 6 years ago I met a girl that one year later was to be my wife. This year is our 5 year anniverssary and we get along great.
So I know it dont seam like it now, but you will be alright and one day you will meet someone that you will spend the rest of you life with.
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